Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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