the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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