HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
