you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
only if we run a train.
done.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
