I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
