HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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