please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
