Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
