Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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