The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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