You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
