Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The air taste purple.
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