i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
