I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
