apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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