And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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