I only kidnapped one of them. chill
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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