I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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