He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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