I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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