cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
