so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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