Buhtt sex?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
