I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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