Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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