You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
