Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
