Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
