I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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