i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
