Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
