just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
