first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
