You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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