We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
