the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
