Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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