I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
