i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize