In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
