I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
