i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
