i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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