sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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