I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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