But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
