so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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