Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
