; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
