My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize