he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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