it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
