she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
