Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
