how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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