Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I sprained my soul last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
