im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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