Duck Duck Cougar?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Enjoy the penises
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
