I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
