i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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