Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
