u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
