Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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