There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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