textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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