the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
NoShamevember. You game?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
