I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
