You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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