Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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