I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
two words...techno handjob
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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