i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
