i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
