Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize