I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
