Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
