im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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