She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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