You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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