wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
