yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
