i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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